Wishes

I feel that I’m coping well with our turmoil overall; although, I will admit I have my moments of crazy. While we were undergoing our 5-day stay at Primary Children’s Hospital, Sean started telling me about Make a Wish. “Did you know Charlotte qualifies for the program?” While he and Charlotte discussed what she should wish for, I could feel my tension levels increase. I hated their entire conversation. I couldn't care less about swimming with dolphins, or a trip to Disney World, or going on a cruise or whatever. I know I got snippy and short with them both.

Stepping back and trying to understand why that is so, the best answer I can come up with is that the “Make a Wish” is for kids that are dying, and Charlotte IS NOT going to die! I have calmed down since then. I know it is perfectly unreasonable, and I have stopped feeling tense and angry when the topic comes up. It helps that we have a lot more information about her prognosis. I have a greater certainty that Charly will progress through chemo with a positive outcome. I know that it won’t mean she’s terminal if a wish for swimming with the dolphins is granted. I can even enjoy hearing her “wishes”.

You can tell when Naomi has been suggesting ideas to her. "Mom, I want to go to Atlantis for my wish." "Mom, I want to go to Queen Anne Island in Canada!" (Naomi just watched my box set for Anne of Green Gables). Charlotte’s wishes are much simpler. “I wish we could see them make crayons. That would be a good wish.” Usually the biggest wish she thinks of is a trip to Disneyland, because a lot of the neighbor kids have recently gone. However, the other day we were driving to Grandma’s house, and passing the nearby arcade/go-kart track and Charlotte pipes up from the backseat, “Mom, what do you think if I wished we could go to Boondocks?”